So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
