hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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