I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
