I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
