that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
