he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize