And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
