Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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