Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
