winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
