so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
