Need sex. Gaining weight.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize