I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
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