all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize