I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
