he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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