she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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