Kiss
Puke
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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