here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
