it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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