I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
