there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
