i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
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I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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