He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
