Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
