did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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