Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
