If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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