i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
