If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
