I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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