My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
