He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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