my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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