Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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