Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Randomize
