So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
