my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
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