What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
