I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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