Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
