Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
