My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i now understand why vodka
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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