He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
