...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My penis needs a shock collar
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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