She's JV to your varsity
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
