can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
