it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How external is "for external use only"?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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