it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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