Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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