I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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