he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
