the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
