woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
