I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I made him laugh his dick is mine
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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